Long
Johns Weather In Nebraska
By
Chuck Hinman *
These cool mornings we've been having
remind me of dreaded winter weather when I was a teen-age boy growing
up on a farm in Nebraska. It was dreaded by me for an unusual reason;
cold weather was synonymous with "long johns weather."
Long
Johns was the name for winter underwear, long with regard to the
sleeves and legs. They were a one-piece "suit" of heavy
cream-colored cotton knit material that buttoned up the front from
the crotch to the neck. In addition, they had a vertical slit (trap
door) in the back so you didn't have to totally undress to go to the
bathroom. They were intended to keep you warm on cold days.
Boys'
fashion and peer pressure!
So what's to be dreaded about
being warm on a cold day? Well, I'll tell you. Teen-age boys in
those days decided long johns made you look "hokey" what
with your underwear creeping out from under your shirt sleeves or
around the neck. How "rural"! I learned the power of
peer-pressure (vs. parental pressure) before I learned anything
academically at remote Liberty High. No teenage boy would be caught
wearing long-johns. Isn't it interesting how fast boy's fashion news
travels.
I learned what was keen (cool) and what wasn't keen
the first time I undressed in the locker room before the other boys
to put on my gym clothes. I was laughed at when everyone saw and
pointed at my long-johns at a time in my life when I still enjoyed
carrying bugs in my overall pockets.
Mom's "no option"
changes Chuck's mind!
When I told Mom I wasn't going to
wear long johns anymore, she changed my mind and said that it wasn't
an option so "get used to it." Case closed!
Oh Lord,
I didn't know which was worse, taking the scorn of the other boys in
the locker room or facing the X-ray eyes of a Mom who sees and knows
every thing! Do you know what I mean?
Solution to home
versus school long underwear wearing!
So I decided on a
solution and kept it from Mom, my best friend, all those cold, teeth
chattering years. Here's how it worked. I rode a bicycle to school
every day -- eight miles round trip. I wore the long johns around
home, but on my way to school, I dropped by the outdoor toilet at the
country-grade school where I went to elementary school the first
eight years. I undressed in the outdoor toilet, took off my long
johns, placed them in a paper bag and went to school without any
underwear on. On the way home from school, I took a detour by way of
the outdoor privy at New Hope grade school and put my winter
underwear back on and appeared at home as if nothing had happened.
I
was so cold from December until April each of those years I don't
have much enamel left on my teeth from chattering. But it seemed
worth it at the time.
* Chuck
was a good friend of mine who wrote for a number of publications in
the mid-west. The above story was one of my favorites. Rest in Peace,
my friend.