What In The Whirl?!?!?

Strange happensings in Illinois. Unlike many sectors of the nation, Retro Jeff's neck of the woods has not seen as much snow as some of the rest of us. He did have a layer of ice one day recently. So he pulled on his union suit to protect him from the cold and ventured outside to scrape ice from his driveway. 

Just as he was getting started, Retro was distracted first by an unusual feeling deep in his bones. His skin crawled, the longer he stood there. Could this be a "close encounter of a third, perhaps fourth, or more, kind?!  

A neighbor of Retro's had been drawn to the sight of him standing frozen outside in his long red underwear and saw that his acquaintance had been distracted by something in the sky. Being somewhat of an amateur photographer, the neighbor stepped outside with his camera and began snapping pictures of his distraught neighbor.

The situation rapidly changed from bad to worse as a type of mother ship was witnessed by several neighborhood residents. The craft, reportendly, moved overhead blotting out the sunlight. Eye witnesses said later "death rays began raining down" on Retro Jeff, now on the run, who attempted to head back for his house. Before reaching safety, according to one acquaintance, he was blasted by a cluster of rays, seemingly to raise up his body.

Authorities investigating this unusual event thought Retro, dressed in his red union suit, must have caught the attention of alien beings. Is this the last we'll see of Retro Jeff?