This Ain't No April's Fool Joke!

Retro Jeff returned to earth with his memory back. He gives a full accounting below of his hair raising other-worldly encounter.  Read on....

"Now that I seem to be out from under scrutiny by the authorities, I feel safe in coming forward with the full account of my recent traumatic experience that began with a late afternoon alien encounter in early March. Being afraid to speak out before, I only "leaked" the previous photos of my attack to Chris in an attempt to alert Union Suit Fans to the potential danger they are exposed to when wearing union suits out of doors. Those photos were presented in his March 16th posting, including this one:

Now, I can reveal three more disturbing photos captured by my intrepid neighbor with the camera that evening before he finally fled for the safety of his own home. The "death ray" blast I received was apparently only meant to stun me as I have no recollection of being drawn, senseless, up into the bowels of the mother ship.    

My neighbor said the ship then hovered above the tree tops for another 15 minutes or so, until the sky was fully dark... 

before taking off with me on board!   

Inside the space craft, my memories of being on the ship are mostly foggy and dreamlike. I remember being stretched out under bright lights of an unearthly hue and intensity that seemed to keep me in a state of suspended animation.   

There were horrible, inquisitive faces staring down at me from all angles but I soon realized that I was not their primary interest. It was the red union suit I was wearing that had their attention!    

As they thoroughly scrutinized every inch and detail of my union suit I could tell that they were favorably impressed. Finally, one of the aliens, I believe their leader, demanded to know why all earthlings are not so attired. I wasn't sure if the question was actually spoken or delivered via mental telepathy. I remember feebly mumbling something about all earthlings not being born with good common sense. I continued to drift in and out of consciousness throughout this ordeal and my final memory aboard ship was of two aliens engaged in a kind of tug of war, over MY union suit!!  When I regained full consciousness, I found myself in my own back yard, numb with cold and without my union suit! The aliens had kept it! Dawn was just breaking as I slinked into the house, hopefully unseen by my neighbors. I quickly slipped into my warmest, red, duofold union suit and crawled into bed.             

Unbeknownst to me, old Mrs. Wilkins had been out walking her cat early that morning and had witnessed the return of the mother ship. On her phone she had captured  photos of the ship hovering above my backyard in the early dawn sky and beaming me back to earth, unceremoniously, but safely. (My face was union suit red when she texted me these photos a day or two later.)   

With no fear or thought of the possible repercussions, unlike my more discreet  neighbor with the camera, Mrs. Wilkins had immediately called the authorities after snapping her photos. A short time after turning in at dawn (it seemed to me like minutes but must have been an hour or two), my well needed sleep was disturbed by unrelenting pounding at the door.  Getting out of bed,  in my union suit,  I staggered half asleep to the door and unlocked it. The door immediately burst open, nearly knocking me down. Two men in black suits and sunglasses charged in and took me into custody. I was hustled into a limousine, blindfolded, and taken to an unknown location. During the drive I could only think, "Oh my God!  There really are Men in Black!"      

I underwent hours of interrogation in what seemed to be an abandoned warehouse. They placed me on a stool under an intense light and demanded to know every detail of my alien encounter.  

I was too embarrassed to admit how the aliens had relieved me of my union suit aboard ship. That I was not going to tell!  Finally, after giving them my very best "deer in the headlights" look in response to their continual questioning, they decided I had nothing more to tell so took me home. I wonder what the neighbors thought seeing me exit a limousine that afternoon wearing only a bright red union suit? Good grief!  

In the aftermath of this encounter, I am now very cautious and alert when working outdoors in my union suit, especially at dusk or dawn. My neighbor with the camera? He seems to go out of his way to avoid me now. And old Mrs. Wilkins? After texting me the photos she had taken that morning, she seems to have disappeared. No one has seen her out walking her cat. A rumor is going about that she is now downstate, a "resident" of Happy Haven.

As the days passed following this strange occurrence, I was slowly coming around to believing that it had all been just some kind of a terrible, bizarre dream. But still, there's the troubling fact that my underwear drawer is indeed short, one red union suit. 

Then the other evening, on the news, I saw where NASA had released some "unusual and inexplicable" photos captured by the Hubble Space Telescope. They depict an alien, seemingly dressed in a red union suit!

Well I can certainly explain it!  And I have to say that alien looks pretty pleased with himself, sporting MY red union suit!  So now you all know the truth of the matter. You can never tell who, or what, is watching you!  Whatever precautions, if any, you should decide to take while going about your outdoor activities, dressed in your union suits, is entirely up to you. I've performed my duty.            

.....Retro Jeff"